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Transformation of My Life

By Dan Kolb

 The beginnings based on Isaiah 58:6-12

“Is this not the fast that I have chosen:

To loose the bonds of wickedness,

To undo the heavy burdens,

To let the oppressed go free,

And that you break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,

And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;

When you see the naked, that you cover him,

And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then your light shall break forth like the morning,

Your healing shall spring forth speedily,

And your righteousness shall go before you;

The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;

You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’

 

“If you take away the yoke from your midst,

The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,

10 If you extend your soul to the hungry

And satisfy the afflicted soul,

Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,

And your darkness shall be as the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you continually,

And satisfy your soul in drought,

And strengthen your bones;

You shall be like a watered garden,

And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

12 Those from among you

Shall build the old waste places;

You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;

And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,

The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In. (NKJV)

 

This brings me to the beginning of my new life in Christ.  In December 2005, my wife of 16 years said that she was leaving me and that exposed the bondages of codependency and the burdens of severe depression took hold. After a few months of suicidal thoughts, anger, and alcohol, one night I picked up a dusty Bible and started reading, while reading I began to have peace. I soon was attending 4 different churches and became very involved in Celebrate Recovery. I was still very much walking in darkness.  Every time I shut my eyes I was in terror and thus for the next 2 years I would only sleep a few hours a night and then the terror would return so I would get up and read the Word.

I was given an old 4 version parallel Bible from a family friend that belong to my Great Grandparents and with a couple other versions I just kept reading and seeking understanding of His Word. The Lord was putting many different older, loving saints around me teaching and encouraging me. He would open doors and then they would shut. The Christian school that my younger children attended hired me to do maintenance around March 2006.  I had been volunteering there to be near my daughters and cover my half of their tuition. Later on the superintendent told me the Lord told her to hire me. That was one of the biggest blessing I have ever had. I could work at my own pace and if I needed encouragement it was readily available. I was attending a church that operated out of the school on Sunday nights that started an outreach called “Message and a Meal” to the homeless on the local beach in September 2006. This was the beginning of working with the down and out and at the same time I was still very involved with Celebrate Recovery. This continued until the summer of 2007 and when my job switched to a four day work week I started going to the local beach just read the Word.

Two ladies and I had been working together and came up with the ministry name Broken But Beautiful Ministries. We filed the name with the state and were working with the homeless and needy on our own. We did a few clothing outreaches to the low income housing projects. We were having an overwhelming amount of clothes donated and somebody referred us to the local flea market to use that as an outlet for the distribution of the clothing. They gave us a nice size booth for $25 a month with one stipulation we would have to give the clothes away for free.   In August I was let go from my employer and I went back to doing handyman work for people at the churches and growing our own food. Anything set before me I would do if I could. But still every night the terror would visit me, sometimes so bad I would curl up in a corner and just plead the Blood of Jesus over myself. After seeking much council and having no results, I started slipping back into depression and darkness. Anger was coming back with a lot of blame and whining, I was working a lot with some of the homeless and they were helping to keep me focus. I found myself alone Christmas and New Year’s Eve. My daughters had gone away with their mother, I went over to a neighbor and had a beer with him on Christmas, I ended dumping out the second one I had no taste for it. I left just asking God “why did I feel so separated from this world”? I began to fast, I do not remember why,  maybe just for His presence. I had been doing a job painting a garage door for the leader of Celebrate Recovery, it was so rusty that it really needed to be replaced and I had told her $50.00 plus materials. Three days later and probably $50.00 in fuel running back and forth I was asking God “why”?  I went home with my big pay day and started to cry out to the Lord, mainly in anger and frustration. I just wanted to find peace and go on with my life. My friend and ministry co-worker began moving to a relationship which at that time was causing even more confusion and grief in my mind. Sometime on New Year’s morning 2008 God showed up and the Glory of the Lord fell on me and He did it so scriptural using Isaiah 6:1-8,

“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above it stood seraphim; each one had six wings: with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one cried to another and said:

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
The whole earth is full of His glory!”

And the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke.

So I said:

“Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The Lord of hosts.”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth with it, and said:

“Behold, this has touched your lips;
Your iniquity is taken away,
And your sin purged.”

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“Whom shall I send,
And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

 

At that time the Lord showed me that every righteous act I had been doing was out of selfishness for it seemed that I had a motive in everything I was doing. I had been religious my whole life in my own pride and hypocrisy and I had never totally surrendered to Him and I then received a peace that only He could bring. I became a new creature in Christ Jesus and set on a path to serve Him alone. When He asked “Whom shall I send?”, I said  “send me.” When I fell asleep that night I had peace and have not had the terror since then.

 

 

 

The New Life in Christ Part II

 

 I was up by 7AM praising God and the phone rang at 8AM asking if I would help put together a cold night shelter for the homeless and I have not stop serving him since.